Bubsandbeans | Life as a Parent

Hyperemesis gravidarum, what the keyboard warriors don't see.

by sarah 24. June 2016 17:21

I have talked before about my struggle in pregnancy with Hyperemesis gravidarum, a real, debilitating illness in pregnancy. It is an illness and unfortunately one that I have noticed can often cause a lot of people to cast judgements and assumptions about on social media.

Just today I saw a post on Facebook from one of the big baby gossip sites, the ones with the great click bait titles, like my struggle with "Princess Kate disease" or why i want to abort my child! (Both related to HG by the way)

The comments on the article were just as extreme, Comments if you have more than one child it can't really be HG, as I couldn't have more than one with HG, comments like no sympathy for Princess Kate she couldn't have had HG if she was out in public at twenty weeks, real people with HG don't do that. Other comments saying HG is just in your head, most people get morning sickness they need to get over it.

I wanted to scream at the computer, my frustration building, do you know what sometimes, people with HG do actually go out in public, do you know sometimes they have more than one child, do you know that it is not Morning sickness! It is a disease that affects 0.3–2.0% of pregnant women, so it is more common than you realise. 

I suffered with HG for all four of my pregnancies, (crazy I know), I was sick with each pregnancy right up until I went into labour, often being sick 50 plus times a day. I tried all the drugs, the food tricks, ginger, fruit tingles, salty food, sweet food, no food, flat lemonade, and do you know what nothing really worked. I spent 34 odd weeks vomiting. Sounds awesome doesn't it. Do the maths that means i was sick over 6000 times over four pregnancies.  

But like Princess Kate do you know what I still had to do things, I still had to get older kids to school, visit sick family members, go to appointments, had to look after toddlers, and to the outside to all these keyboard warriors they would say. It couldn't be that bad you did your grocery shopping last week, you couldn't have it that bad if you travelled to Melbourne to see your new niece. It just bad Morning Sickness.

What they don't see is the buckets living permanently in the car, the random stops at the side of the road, the fact you walk into a room and your first thing to do is find out where the toilets are, they don't see the times you spend hours sitting on the floor of the bathroom, to sick to move anywhere. They don't see the trips to emergency when you are so severely dehydrated you can't see straight. 

They don't see the money spent trying to repair the damaged teeth, often too badly damaged from the acid that ate away all the enamel. They don't see the $1000 of dollars spent on drugs that don't stop you from vomiting food, but atleast let you keep down some fluids so you are not left sitting at ED with three other children in tow. 

They don't see the scales dropping in pregnancy, but then the scales rebounding so drastically after each pregnancy as your body has spent the last seven-eight months in starvation mode.

All they see is a few words on the computer, a random picture on the internet, and someones else's assumption of what is going on. 

What people who are suffering from HG need, what they want is understanding, not judgement. Everybody's pregnancy is different, everybody's HG is different, and we need to stop looking from the outside and making sweeping statements, and snap judgements.

 

 

 

 

Tags:

Health | Life as a Parent | Pregnancy, Birth and Breastfeeding

It's the little things!

by sarah 2. May 2016 16:35

 It’s all about the little things.

It’s often said that motherhood is all about the little things, and I get that, the first smile, the first tooth, the way their eyes light up when they experience something. I get that… but there are some other little things that are so important when you are a mum.

We are just getting to the end of nine days in a self-imposed quarantine, it started out with Miss 3, getting a chest an ear infection, the ever so generous girl that she is then decided to pass it on to Mr 2 who decided that a chest and an ear infection were not enough to deal with and came down with croup. What I realised in my quarantine was that as a mum it’s the little things that matter.

On day 7, after a week of no sleep, it was ten o’clock in the morning and I had yet to get breakfast and my husband told me to leave the kids with him go for a drive get myself hotcakes for breakfast and have twenty minutes in the car with no tears, no fuss and my music choice. It’s the little things.

Miss Ten decided that she wanted to cook dinner, so I could have a night off. It’s the little things.

Master eight decided to go read a book to Mr 2 who was sitting sad on the couch with a cough. Miss ten, wandered off by herself and came back half an hour later and had cleaned her room, without prompting just because…. It’s the little things.

It's the friends who come around for dinner and bring takeout for you to eat. It's the easy meals sitting frozen in the freezer when you cant be bothered cooking.

It's realising that your 8 and 10 year old are old enough to put their own clothes away.

It's when Miss 3 comes up to give me a cuddle. It's when the clock finally strikes 7pm and the little ones go to bed without argument, and I could sit on the couch and watch TV… It’s the little things.

What are the little things that help you day to day?

 

Tags:

It's a Mum's life | Life as a Parent

Travelling with Children overseas will be fun, they said.....

by sarah 24. March 2016 16:16

Travelling with Children overseas will be fun, they said.  You get to watch the 'pure joy' on their face as they see the world they said. They will get to experience new foods they said. You don’t have to change your holidays just because you have had kids they said……

What they didn’t tell you was…. The pure joy you  will experience when your pride and joy decides that they don’t feel like lunch anymore, and vomits it back up all over you at take-off at the start of a fourteen “sweet smelling” hour flight. There is no level of deodorant and wipes that can get rid of the smell.

What they didn’t tell you was “How fun it is” when the same beautiful child has a nappy incident, as I look to call it, fourteen hours later at landing, thanks to the extra water they drank through the flight, to starve off the dry mouth from the plane.

 

They didn’t tell you how “comfortable’ it is sitting with that gorgeous 22 month old on your lap for fourteen hours in economy, otherwise known as cattle class, whilst the person traveling without children in front of you reclines, leaving 2cm between Master 22 month old and the TV screen.

It doesn’t help you with the building jealousy you feel to the people around you (Yes I am talking about the Person in front who slept reclined, about 12 hours of the 14 hour flight), as they relax, watch movies, sleep, eat, go to the toilet in peace, whilst you juggle 4 children’s every need, want and desire.

What they also didn’t tell when booking at the travel agents, was the “child’s meals” are often not very parent friendly, imagine yoghurt at 10,000 feet and the mess, the carnage it brings.

 

Now I am not saying don’t travel, Don’t get me wrong, I am already planning our next overseas trip, and we have taken our kids on quite a few trips internationally and domestically just go into it with eyes wide open, really wide open. (Which they will stay as don’t expect to get any sleep in the flight either)

It’s just I think as Parents we need to know that travelling on aeroplanes internationally with children is very different than your pre children days. It is not as easy, it is not as relaxing, not as enjoyable, but still just as worth it.

 

MY TOP TIPS

 

Bring changes of Clothes for them but just as importantly for you.

 

My families favourite story is the previously mentioned story that involved one of my children, that decided to not only vomit on me then wet themselves whilst sitting on my lap on our flight from LA to Auckland, which ended up with me having to purchase a very expensive and impractical pair of merino wool trackies at our stopover CUE Bogan music please…. (That coincidently would have been about the same price as buying an extra seat) and a whole lot more comfortable.  

 

Bring Food, heaps of food.

Children are fickle creatures, one day they will eat anything, the next day rice crackers and sultanas are considered a staple diet. We learnt on our first overseas trip with our four children, when our children’s meals didn’t arrive that travel is so much easier if your children have a steady piece of food in their mouth. We also learnt the hard way trying to keep children clean eating yoghurt in a confined space is never going to happen so it’s best to bring your own ‘clean’ lunch. When I say Clean, I don't mean healthy, nutritious, I mean realistically food that is not going to make a huge mess, because anyone with kids realise that they can turn a biscuit into a sloppy delightful mess not to mentions banana or any thing with any liquid content.

 

 

 

 

Bring Wipes, twice as many as you expect to use (It will still probably be half as much as you need)

Wipes are by far the best, most awesome baby item ever invented, I don’t know who invented them but I would love to shake their hand, buy them the most expensive bottle of wine I can and thank them for saving my sanity more times than I could count.

Wipes are perfect for almost everything, from cleaning hands, face, clothes, Sippy cups, trays, glasses, toys, really is there anything that they can’t clean. Also great for all toddler and baby free people on the plane to remove their makeup, (Because realistically you won’t be doing that as you will be lucky to even go to the toilet alone, but we can dream can’t we?

 

 Don’t pack too much.

I know it seems contradictory to my last three bits of advice, but as a parent travelling with a toddler, you have to know at one stage you will be not only carting your luggage through a crowded airport, but also be carrying your child.

 

Now my children are great at walking through the airport, until we stopped at customs, suddenly like ‘magic’ their legs both stopped working. Imagine, 2 adults, 4 kids, one bag to many, both of us with a toddler on the hip trying to find passports, forms, all whilst I was wearing my itchy overpriced Merino wool trackies, trying to remember the joy that the travel blogs speak about when travelling with children.

 

Electronic devices will be your friend – but be prepared.

Do you normally have a time limit on technology, forget about it, for your sanity, for the sanity of the people around you. If they want to play on the iPad for 6 hours let them, yes they will be tired and cranky when they finish but guess what, they were going to be anyway.

But be prepared.

Bring a portable charger for your iPad, you can buy them from most electronic places, and means that they can play the iPad off and on through the whole flight.

 

 

 

Also bring your own headphones, unless you want to hear those magical words, “Help” 5327 times as the adult ones full off their heads again and again.

 

Remember….

 

Remember the flight is just the means to the end and once you get there you will be giving them an experience so many others can only dream off.

 

 

What are your best travel tips with children?

Would you travel with children? Are you game enough?

 

If you interested in some of my other ideas about travelling internationally with children read more here

 

If you are interested in our trip to Disneyland (the fun part) read more here. 

 

 

Tags:

Disneyland | It's a Mum's life | LA Adventure | Life as a Parent | Travelling - International | Yumbox

If nothing changes, nothing changes - finding support as a parent

by sarah 1. March 2016 09:53

You only have to take a look at your Facebook newsfeed to know that this motherhood gig can often be a hard confusing and overwhelming time. We see our friends struggling with sleep, feeding, and behaviour issues. Not to mention our own firsthand experience.

All of a sudden you have this gorgeous baby, who is solely dependent on you. Their health, their emotions all rest in your hands and whilst I know we are all up for the challenge, the difference between thriving and simply surviving rest on one word "Support".

What support have you got to get you through the challenges that lie ahead? Do you have a supportive partner, supportive family, and friends, do you use the other resources out there? Do you even know what resources there are?

I understand that it is hard if you feel like you have no support from family and friends, I understand, I have been there. After moving away for work from our support network we decided to go back and have a third child. She is a blessing a welcome addition to our family as is number four that we had 14 months later :-) However I experienced firsthand how hard it can be when you as a family feel like you are doing it alone, a difficult pregnancy, children at school and kinder and no one to call to help. I remember rocking up to emergency with severe HG with my 4 and 6 year old with me, as my husband was away just hoping the nurses would take pity on me and not make me wait, not for my sake but my two children worried waiting beside me. Wishing that I had reached out to other mums in the area and made friends that I had someone I could call on. As I couldn't wait for my family to get their as they were over two hours away.

But then I decided to be proactive as "If nothing changes, nothing changes"

I joined an online mums group, and 4 years later they are still my point of call when I have a question. Together we have been each other’s support through loss, sickness, premature babies, marriage break ups, but not just the hard times we have celebrated milestones, weddings, birthdays. We have even been able to venture outside of the confines of the computer to go out for dinner, have parties for the children for Christmas. It made the 3am wake ups so much less lonely when someone else was out there who understands your sleep deprivation.

I then decided that it was time to venture outside the safety of my computer and join MOPS, mothers of pre-schoolers. It runs once a fortnight and is an opportunity for you to sit with other mums for two hours whilst a group of carers watch your children in a different room. (If you are comfortable initially my daughter stayed with me) But after a couple of weeks we were both ready. So for two hours every fortnight I am able to sit and have a cold drink, eat some nice food and have adult conversation and I didn't realise how much I needed it. From this group I have now made a circle of friends that I can invite out to a movie, go out to dinner and I have to tell you it is a nice feeling.

I also began to look around to see what support was in my local community, we have "Parents place" a drop in centre in the middle of town, that has nappy change facilities, toys and caring staff that answer any questions you have, I made sure that I went to my MCHN appointments and have a lovely caring nurse who remembers little details that help me feel valued.

All of a sudden the world wasn't so big and I wasn't so lonely in it.

 

 

 

 

 

Tags:

It's a Mum's life | Life as a Parent

Mum guilt vs Genetics

by sarah 8. December 2015 15:54

Mum guilt vs Genetics

Mummy guilt, at some time or the other we all feel it.

Guilt over a variety of things, like guilt over discipline, tv, ipads, food, yelling, child care, nappies whether to use disposable or cloth..

But what about the other type of guilt the guilt you feel when your genetics impact your child. The irrational guilt, that you know is not your fault but you still can’t help but feel it.

How do we deal with that?

This week my beautiful daughter Miss 3, after heading to what I assumed was a routine eye test last week is having to go through some more extensive tests on her eyes. Now we have been warned that she will be unable to see and focus for about 24 hours after the test and will probably be very miserable. Very quickly the mummy guilt sets in.

You begin to feel guilty knowing that you are knowingly inflicting pain on your child, whilst still in your heart knowing that it is the right thing to get the tests done.

You begin to feel guilty that she inherited your eyes and is having to deal with the ramifications of that at the young age of three, the prospect of wearing glasses, patches.

You begin to feel guilty thinking should I have picked it up earlier? How could I have been so blind-sided by the results. 

You begin to feel guilty that you even feel guilty about it when there are people you know are dealing with their children having life threatening diseases, and she will still be able to live life to the full. 

I don’t have the answers on how to deal with these feelings that I know are irrational.

But I know in my heart that they must be irrational as I myself have inherited my eyes from my genes too.

As a child I didn’t feel anger, frustration about it, I might have complained with the daily ”eye exercises”. And even now if my parents talked about Guilt I would easily and confidently tell them to relax, it was out of their control.

You know it’s irrational as apart from never becoming a air fighter pilot it really wont have any huge impact on her life.

You know its irrational as nearly 9.3 million people in Australia wear glasses or contact lenses, meaning nearly 40% of Australia’s population do.

You know its it’s irrational as you didn’t do anything to cause it to happen, well except make a beautiful and cherished child.

But still the guilt sets in, you try to explain it to others, to yourself but you can’t as deep in your heart you know you shouldn’t feel this way.

Have you ever had to deal with this guilt? How did you cope?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tags:

Health | Life as a Parent

TextBox