Bubsandbeans | With a background in early childhood coupled with the hands on experience of raising four children, this Blog is about my day to day experiences, both in life, business and travels

Reflecting on the moments that shape us? What will shape your children?

by sarah 17. May 2016 10:58

Recently my mum had an operation, a fairly serious one she got through the operation well and is beginning to recover however it has really got me reflective, reflective on my Mum and the amazing mother that she is, reflecting on my childhood and all the events that have shaped me as a person, and as a mother.

I think back to the events, the memories that are imprinted in my mind and I wonder when my kids grow up what memories are the ones that are going to shape them.

As I get older the words that are spoken fade, the Good and the bad but what doesn’t fade is the feelings... The feeling of joy, love that mum showed us as kids, the home cooked food, the way she tucked us in at night. The way that she supported us in all our endeavours, the way she would meet us at the end of our shift at Safeway and walk us home. My mum worked whilst I was growing up but I never thought of her as a working mum, its only now that I am a mother myself with my own business that I realise the hard work she put in, heading off to work nightshift whilst we were sleeping, arriving in time to make us breakfast in the morning. I never realised the sacrifices she made, but I do remember her teaching us Cards, I remember weekends spent doing puzzles, going for long walks together along the beach. Her instilling a love of reading in us. 

I remember her gentle rebukes when we did the wrong thing, not in anger but in love.

I remember thinking that I could be, do anything that I wanted as Mum believed I could, but I also knew that it took work and she made sure we did. Homework was a priority, but family came first.

What will my children remember?

Will they remember me playing with them, teaching them cards, going for walks around the lake, doing puzzles, or will they remember me sitting by the computer tolling away.

Will they remember the way I walk them to bed, the cuddles in the morning, the way I make their lunches with the fun notes, the useless facts about Australia and the world around them.

Will they remember the way I am already a taxi service running them from swimming, Badminton, Guitar, Tae kwon do. Teaching them to be part of the community around them.

Will they remember the fun holidays, the impromptu trips interstate? Will it teach them a love of travel as I have, the desire to learn more about the world around us, and the different communities within it.

Will they remember the moments of frustration, trying to get them to clean their room, unstack the dishwasher, feed the dog? Or will this shape them into people with good work ethics, the drive to get the job done. Will they feel like I did, as being gently rebuked in love, not anger!

 

Or is it more than that….. Will they remember the way that I love them, treasure them, each as individuals. When the music fades and we are left with our memories what will they remember, what will they treasure?

 

 

 

Tags:

It's a Mum's life

NAPLAN testing? How accurate is it?

by sarah 10. May 2016 12:20

For those of us with children in Grade 3 or 5 this week we would know that we are in the middle of the NAPLAN test. Now the level of stress, anxiety your child is facing can be significant or non existent depending on the schools approach to this test.

For some schools their is a huge emphasis on the test with most of the year focusing solely on the skills required to "ace' the tests, where for other schools they are seen as a small part of the overall learning process.

We are really lucky that our children's school has a balanced approach, the children have gone into the test without anxiety, without pressure.  Sure their teachers want them to do their best however they know that this is not the be all and end all of their education, their grades. It is a small part. They have done a couple of practice tests so they are aware of what it is, but not to the detriment to their other learning.

My friends daughter on the other hand has lived, breathed Naplan all year, she at the age of 8 is under so much pressure to do well, and as a mother it is heartbreaking to see a child (even not your own) feeling stressed and anxious at such a young age.

These huge difference in focus has got me thinking, how accurate are the NAPLAN results. Realistically if a school spends the best part of 5 months focusing solely on skills that will help their children "ace" the Naplan tests, compared to a School that has a more balanced approach to learning. Which school has "better learning results for your child" Yes the first school might get a better results on paper but does that really mean the child knows more than others? Which has the better academic result the school with one focus, or the one with a much rounder education?

Do I want a child who has a great understanding of English and Maths, but has no idea about geography, sports, music. 

Looking at these two schools totally different ways of appraching NAPLAN has made me rethink the way that I choose Primary school, and Secondary College.

Our daughter is in Year 5, so this year we need to choose her secondary College, when I started looking around I was focusing on NAPLAN results, but then realised that depending on the schools focus it on its own is not an accurate result, I now focus on the difference between the Year 7 results and the year 9 results. Is their education growing or staying stagnant? I focus on their programs, what do they offer the children, what classes are available when they hit VCE, Can they do Year 12 classes in year 11, can they do VET courses through school. What does the school 'feel like" are the front desk staff approachable. All of a sudden NAPLAN becomes such a small part in the bigger picture.

What are your thoughts on the NAPLAN testing?

Are your children participating? Do they feel pressure? Did you use it as a tool when choosing primary school. 

 

Tags:

It's a Mum's life | School related

Can we really have it all?

by sarah 3. May 2016 05:35

Having it all has been seen as the aim for women everywhere since Cosmopolitan editor Helen Brown famously talked about them in her book from the 80s Having it all, Love, success, Sex and money. Ironically Helen Brown never had children, her “all” didn’t include Motherhood, however it has now become the “catchphrase” of our generation of mothers.

 

You see whether we can have it all, comes down to our perspective, what do you think is your all? For Helen Brown, success was not motherhood, it was success at work, success at love, financial independence.

In the new age of feminism we have decided that women need to have it all, right now. However for some we can have it all, just not at the same time. Having it all doesn’t mean the same thing to different people. Having it all doesn’t mean that we have or want the same things as men, or the same thing as others. It’s about having the choice, having the same opportunities.

Having it all is more than what society expects of us, it’s more than what our family or friends expect of us. It is purely our perspective and ours alone.

Having it all often means that your life won’t be Pinterest perfect, it won’t be being able to be at every event, having the perfect children all the time. It’s about having the right balance getting to the end of the day feeling fulfilled in whatever you are doing.

 

For some people it is being that Pinterest mum, being the best mum, wife, partner they can be.

For others it’s the balance between work, family and relationships.

For others it’s our own businesses, blogs and motherhood.

For others motherhood doesn’t enter into the equation.

We need to stop judging others choices, comparing ourselves and realise what the real question is.

The questions isn’t what is everybody else doing, it’s what are you doing? Do you feel balanced, do you feel complete, and do you feel like you have a purpose a reason to get up each morning.

If you feel that you need to juggle motherhood and work at the moment how can you find that balance? Do you need to look at outsourcing getting someone in to help with your washing, cleaning your bathroom those jobs that get pushed aside. Do you need to sit down with your partner / husband and have a real talk about how you need to be a team and both pull your weight in and outside the house. Do you need to organise childcare, a nanny, and au pair to help with the children. Do you need to get up earlier a couple days a week to exercise, to make you a priority? Do you need to organise a babysitter occasionally to have date nights with your husband to make your relationship a priority? Do you need to put the iPad, iPhone down a couple of nights a week to spend time with your husband? We need to write lists and priorities what do we need to do now, what can wait? We need to learn to say No! So important to learn. But we also need to learn to say Yes, yes to help! We need to know our limitations, and work within them.

 

Do you feel like you “Have it all” are you balancing your life right now?

 

 

Tags:

It's the little things!

by sarah 2. May 2016 16:35

 It’s all about the little things.

It’s often said that motherhood is all about the little things, and I get that, the first smile, the first tooth, the way their eyes light up when they experience something. I get that… but there are some other little things that are so important when you are a mum.

We are just getting to the end of nine days in a self-imposed quarantine, it started out with Miss 3, getting a chest an ear infection, the ever so generous girl that she is then decided to pass it on to Mr 2 who decided that a chest and an ear infection were not enough to deal with and came down with croup. What I realised in my quarantine was that as a mum it’s the little things that matter.

On day 7, after a week of no sleep, it was ten o’clock in the morning and I had yet to get breakfast and my husband told me to leave the kids with him go for a drive get myself hotcakes for breakfast and have twenty minutes in the car with no tears, no fuss and my music choice. It’s the little things.

Miss Ten decided that she wanted to cook dinner, so I could have a night off. It’s the little things.

Master eight decided to go read a book to Mr 2 who was sitting sad on the couch with a cough. Miss ten, wandered off by herself and came back half an hour later and had cleaned her room, without prompting just because…. It’s the little things.

It's the friends who come around for dinner and bring takeout for you to eat. It's the easy meals sitting frozen in the freezer when you cant be bothered cooking.

It's realising that your 8 and 10 year old are old enough to put their own clothes away.

It's when Miss 3 comes up to give me a cuddle. It's when the clock finally strikes 7pm and the little ones go to bed without argument, and I could sit on the couch and watch TV… It’s the little things.

What are the little things that help you day to day?

 

Tags:

It's a Mum's life | Life as a Parent

I hope she realises she is more than a Human Pez dispenser... Why is being a mother not enough anymore?

by sarah 27. April 2016 10:31

I have a friend of mine, you know those friends who say exactly what they think, when they think it regardless of the fall out, the friend that will tell you what they are thinking, no matter the consequences.

There are no hidden meanings, no subtlety, No filter. The other week was no exception, we had found out a mutual friend was pregnant with her fourth child all within quick succession and she said something that has stuck with me, to her it was a throw away line, something insignificant, a quick laugh, but for me it has stuck….

 

“I hope she realises she is more than a Human Pez dispenser”

 

I don't know why it has stuck with me, maybe because of a mum of 4, I wonder does she think that of me? Maybe because of the image I now can't get out of my head? Or maybe and more realistically it's the thought that once again being “just a mum” is not enough.

Why do we judge?

If someone is happy being at home with her children, why is that not enough?

If someone is busy juggling motherhood and education why is that not enough?

If someone is busy juggling work and motherhood why is that not enough?

If someone is juggling illness, pregnancy, and motherhood, why is that not enough?

You see I have had enough, enough of the quick judgements, the throw away lines the comments meant for a laugh that pull down the choices we make.

Everybody is different, we come from different backgrounds, different financial situations, we have different abilities to cope with things, we want different things. In the “new age” of feminism we are lead to believe that as woman we can do it all, we can be mums, we can work, we can study and still be great mothers, great wives, great friends, what happens when you don’t want to do it all, and just want to stay home and raise your children. Why all of a sudden have we decided that it is not enough?

Why has it become a contest, a challenge we feel that we all must compete in?

For many being a mum at home, is enough! So stop the judging, the comparing and enjoy your journey of motherhood no matter what that looks like.

 

Tags:

TextBox